A friend sent me a question via Twitter today: “Do provisions in gay marriage laws that allow churches to deny bug you? Or are you ok with just being recognized by the gov't?”

I have no problem with religious exemptions in marriage equality measures. Do I get slightly offended that these exemptions keep coming up? Yes – but only because I don’t think they are necessary. Here’s why:

The government shouldn’t get involved when it comes to deciding who can get married in a specific church. That should be up to that specific church – that’s the reason we have the separation of church and state. In fact, certain churches and pastors actually deny some marriages to straight couples if they have been divorced or some other reason that conflicts with their religious views. And that is their right. And I would fight for that right to exist. (I read an article about this that had some specific examples. I looked for it – but haven’t found it yet. I know it’s out there. I’ll keep looking.)

I want a legally recognized marriage. My problem with these “exemptions” is that lawmakers hide behind them to maintain their close-minded views and deny me of my civil rights. If these religious provisions aren’t “strong enough,” we gays might just come and shut down their churches! Which – I’m sorry, but if you belong to a church that doesn’t want to host weddings for gay and lesbian people – chances are we don’t want to get married there anyway.

But, these religious freedom exemptions are also flawed in that they fail to hold water when the side is flipped. Religious freedom actually should push the need for marriage equality. Think about it this way: certain churches (especially here in LA) want to be able to host weddings for LGBT parishioners. (The Hollywood United Methodist church for one.) (http://www.hollywoodumc.org/) But they are denied that right of RELIGIOUS freedom because of STATE law. (Slight Tangent: I would propose the same argument about the “prayer in schools” debate. Christian fundamentalists are usually at the forefront of this battle – but would those same people stand up, fight, and defend a Muslim student trying to pray in the classroom? It just always seems to me like the religious freedom argument is only employed by one side.)  

(Here’s a video that goes into a bit more detail about the religious liberty arguments used by the anti-equality side: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0dKMhYSX20)

So in a long, round about answer – I want to be married. And even though I would like to be married in a church or at least with a spiritual aspect to the ceremony, I want to be married “by law.” There are over 1,100 rights, privileges, and benefits that go along with a civil marriage – and I want each and every one of them.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rights_and_responsibilities_of_marriages_in_the_United_States)

After a security guard called a protestor a “faggot” during the police raid at Occupy Wall Street, I’ve seen a few posts about trying reclaim the word.

Is this a good idea? Is it even possible?

I think the answer is no to both questions.

First – I don’t like the idea of anyone throwing the F-bomb around like it’s no big deal. It is a big deal. It’s a big deal for the same reason that the protestor mentions in his video to the security guard. People who identify or are perceived as LGBT are being bullied – sometimes to death – and as much as we want to flip the script on that, trying to “reclaim” one of the most hateful words isn’t the way to do it and it won’t succeed.

Look at other cultures who have reclaimed offensive words and truly examine those reclamations. While they are able to use their words in their own culture, for their own purposes (and I fully support whatever they wish to say to describe their own cultures)  when someone outside that culture uses the same word – it’s still treated as a slur – and I think rightfully so. But then the question is – so what was reclaimed?

I’ve seen the argument that words don’t have power unless we allow them to have power – but I don’t subscribe to that philosophy. A gun doesn’t have power when it’s sitting on a table – but the second the trigger is pulled, it can kill. In a similar way, I believe that a word, on it’s own, is useless – but the minute it’s aimed at someone with vitriol (as the F word usually is) it becomes a weapon. Look at the last time someone made a sarcastic comment to you. Sure, they were using commonplace, maybe even polite words, but it’s the WAY that they said it that left you feeling stung.

So what is our response?

I think that the protestor actually handled the situation perfectly. For starters, he had the conversation recorded. But also, he asked the guard to repeat what he said. Then he went on the offensive. He told the guard about being bullied and how hurtful words like that are – he made it real for the guard. He wasn’t just a pushover, he stayed in the guard’s face – and I think it was incredibly brave. He also asked for the guard’s supervisor who DENIED that the guard had said the word.

I’m not going to talk about the circumstances too much because I’m sure that the situation at the protests was tense already – but I think that instead of reclaiming the word to try to flip the script, we should do just as the protestor did – and instruct those using the word for harm of just how harmful it can be.

Please don’t ever call me a faggot. 

Alright - I get it. Obama isn't a dictator. He isn't a magician - he can't just wave his wand and make Marriage Equality the law of the land. I totally get that. But in my last post about Obama and his stance - I was just commenting that maybe his support would mean more strides in the community - and ultimately more commitment (at least from me) for his campaign. 

And I totally understand that he's probably not doing it because of needing votes to get re-elected. I get it. But at the same time, he's relatively  young - will he want to run for Senate again after his career as President (whether that's in one or five years)? And if so, will my equal rights still be a question of him wanting to get elected? And I'd rather my rights not just be a polling number to him - because they're more than a polling number to me. 

So that is why I was upset.

That and the fact that I don't think he's actually going to alienate anyone in his camp. Conservatives already think he's a crazy liberal and they already hate him for it - so I don't think that this will push them over the edge. They already questioned whether or not he was actually American - so I don't think him voicing support for marriage equality is really going to be the straw that breaks their little backs. 

So again, Mr. President, please come out for marriage equality. The closet is dark and lonely - but we're having a blast out here in the sun.

So President Obama said yesterday that he's still working on wether or not he supports marriage equality - and I really just can't understand that statement at all. 

What is he "working" on? Because my gut tells me it's the polling numbers. He's afraid to alienate anyone right now going into the election year. That's what I think.

Because in all seriousness - what is he working on? He either thinks it's right for the country and its people or he doesn't. I mean, is he actually doing ethical and psychological evaluations? Does he have a chalkboard full of data and a wall plastered with news articles about the effects of marriage equality - and it all boils down to one big question mark at the end? Is he using the same strategy I use when trying to avoid going to a pool party? I think if I can just wait to lose another five or so pounds - I'll go to the party and have a much better time - maybe he just wants to make sure he looks good when he makes the big announcement? 

Maybe he's waiting to be able to tweet it from his iPhone 5?

Who knows?

All I know is - it is driving me insane - because (like I mentioned before) I really think it's about polling numbers. I think he's scared. And if he's holding off on my equal rights just so he can get re-elected, I'll be pissed. And granted - I get it. He's clearly the best choice for LGBT people to have in the White House right now (since Fred Karger is still a long-shot, at best) - but he promised in 2008 to be a fierce advocate. And while he has done quite a bit for us - the fight is really just beginning (election year politics is a little ugly when it comes to LGBT issues - did you see the GOP debate where the gay soldier was booed?). And I do believe that if Obama were to actually come out in favor of marriage equality - not only would it improve the chances for the Respect For Marriage Act - but it would really rally his supporters in the LGBT community and its allies - AND, we wouldn't have to suffer through any more politicians hiding behind his ambiguous stance. 

Mr. Obama - Please stand up for marriage equality. 

The show last night was awesome. It went so well. I'm so happy.

I really can't believe it's been ten years since I came out of the closet. 

I think there are some videos floating around of the event - and I will see if I can get them up here. But for now, here's  a picture of me singing. 

Last night we had a rehearsal for the Gay Day Cabaret - I know, this blog is getting boring with this damn cabaret - but it's seriously all I can think about right now (don't tell anyone at work). 

Anyway, the rehearsal went well - there are some spots that need a bit of attention - and there are some spots that are really great. I think all/in/all the show is going to be a good time. (Is that even how you type all-in-all?)

People are coming to have fun and hear some singing - they're not expecting a Tony award winning performance - and it's for charity - they're also coming for charity. So it will be fine. The audience will not be disappointed. 

I can't breathe at times when I think about how it's just a little over 48 hours away. 

I'm already shaking. I can't sleep. 

I AM SO NERVOUS!

Gay Day Ten is going to be great. But I just want to make sure that people have a good time. And part of that is making sure we have a good show - which I know we do... but it's still nerve-racking. 

Are my jokes funny? Am I on pitch with that high note? Do I know the words? Should I sway and snap? 

But in the end, the night is about having a good time (everyone having a good time) and hanging out. The actual cabaret will only be for about 50(ish) minutes - the rest of the night is just for fun.

Please God, let it be fun. 

Alright, you've seen me post a lot about Gay Day (coming up this Saturday, be there). And the truth is, it's a big deal to me. I know it's a holiday I made up - and I'm unsure if other people actually celebrate the day that they came out of the closet - but I do. And I really like it. I don't really get excited for my birthday - but I get really excited for this.

And this year with it being the 10th Anniversary - I wanted to do something bigger than I have done for Gay Days past. So I have been planning this cabaret show with some friends for a few months now - and I'm extremely excited about it.


So this next sentence is really hard to type. 

I think I'm getting SICK!

I have a scratchy throat - I did nothing but sleep yesterday - I think my glands are swollen (dirty, the ones in my neck!) - and I just feel tired. (of course, it's Monday morning - so that could have something to do with it too). But I seriously (honestly and truly)  CANNOT be sick. I can't. I won't let it happen. 

So I'm not. 

So there. 

I thought this was truly awesome - in case you missed it: 

Tonight I went to an event in WeHo for the USC Law School LGBT Organization amazingly named "OutLaw." 

While the event wasn't a success in terms of me finding a member of the 122 - it was great to be in a room full of incredibly bright people who will be (or hopefully be) a driving force in the future of the LGBT community. 

Of course, not I have Whitney Houston stuck in my head... "I believe that children are our future..." 

Regardless - it as a very optimistic evening. And it was at Fiesta Cantina - and here's a little secret  - I rarely turn down an opportunity to have a margarita. (Rocks, No Salt.)

("Rocks, No Salt" is TOTALLY going to be the name of the gay boy band super group I'm forming with Lance Bass, Ricky Martin, Adam Lambert and Sam Sparro.) ((JK - I don't know any of those guys, but if I did, we'd totally start a gay boy band super group.))